1. These collapsable trash cans.
Or are they latex-coated male model-sized slinkies? They’re probably not ideal for bustling metropolitan settings like New York, but at least if you were feeling fat one day, these are awfully forgiving.
2. These sparkly fuzzy pants and silver body paint.
I don’t know why you’d picnic in anything else, really.
One of the rare instances wearing the same thing as your friend is an aesthetically fantastic choice.
3. These colorful whale prints.
In other words, eff you Vineyard Vines!!!
4. This vest with mirrored whales on it.
Next spring, allow your body to double as a baby nursery mobile.
5. These wide-legged high-waisted pants and leather sleeveless top.
For the man bold enough to wear white pants after Labor Day.
6. These high-waisted white pants and leather jacket.
For the man who wants to show Jessica Simpson the right way to belt a pair of pants that ride high enough to offer breast support.
7. This black sequined jumpsuit.
For the man with a serious style crush on Selena Gomez.
8. These suede space cadet suits.
They might pull a little awkwardly in the front but in the back the slight wedgie look is just right.
9. This silver jumpsuit with the underpants on the outside.
Oops, he did it again.
10. These scary shades and pajamas.
Those glasses creep me the hell out, but I guess if you’re going to wear your PJs out of the house that might be something you’re going for!
11. These rags.
This is what happens to people forced to sit in a room and watch every episode of the new Snooki and JWOWW show nonstop.
12. This elegant blouse made of patches.
A new way to keep cool in a tux without looking like you didn’t try.
13. This oversized leopard spot print with manny pack.
This print is like a yoga class. You can’t help looking at it and thinking, “Is that a cat or a cow?”
14. This floral embroidered contrast suiting.
Be loud yet pretty at the same time.
Everything should be layered. EXCEPT…
15. This lobster halter top.
When she asks how much, you reply, “Market price, bitch!”
16. This 3D shell suiting.
Now that’s a new way to hide a beer gut.
17. This silky “sex Communion” sweatshirt.
“I’m going back to my roots,’’ Riccardo Tisci, the Catholic designer who created this ensemble told press. “It’s about Communion, but a sex version of it.’’
18. This jumpsuit.
I don’t think anyone would mess with you if you went around like this.
19. This jumpsuit.
When you need something for evening.
20. This beak hat.
This is why Europeans have to cheek kiss.
21. This black eye makeup.
A hot fashion-clueless person might rush to your side to try to cure your wounds.
22. This pink eye makeup.
Don’t forget the clock tattoo where everyone can see it.
23. This bohemian pajama pant-tank top combo.
I’m betting you’d find a semi-affordable version of this in Anthropologie right now.
24. This “everyone wants to kill me” ruff.
At least if you go around like this people might think you’ve had a bad enough day already and not try to do it to you again.
Walter Van Beirendonck.
25. This ruff and hat with gender symbols.
Look like the prize winner from one of those cake baking reality shows.
Walter Van Beirendonck
26. This rope with the lettered gloves.
You can’t say he’s not modest — the nipples are tucked away.
Walter Van Beirendonck.
27. This coordinating yellow turban and sporty polo.
“I put on my turban and everything and you’re STILL not ready?”
28. This black turban and yellow printed jumpsuit.
Just to mix things up.
29. This face dress and pink overcoat.
Women have been stealing clothes from their boyfriends for too long. Isn’t it time they stole from their girlfriends too?