Welcome to Southern Kale-ifornia.
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The only time the phrase “Did you feel it?” has zero sexual connotations.
Complaining about how much time you spent in traffic is like a weird form of bragging in L.A.
It’s not just glorified lettuce, IT’S A RELIGION.
4. Juice cleanses.
Because it also burns calories to talk about your diet.
5. Where they went hiking this weekend.
Because being fit isn’t enough; you also have to talk about how you’re on that healthy grind too.
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Typical points of conversation: What studio do you go to? Is your instructor hot? Where do you go for brunch after?
7. Or whatever new fitness craze they’re trying out.
Because who wants to just run or lift weights?
Either they’re SO EXCITED TO GO TO COACHELLA or they’re just excited everyone else is leaving and the city will be empty.
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This is L.A., you can’t just go from Point A to Point B, silly!
10. And then also shortcuts.
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A true hero passes on their shortcuts to their friends.
11. The “weather.”
Over 80 is too hot, under 65 is too cold, and if it rains, it’s practically Armageddon in L.A. because people here cannot handle even a drizzle.
12. Celebrities, but casually.
Unlike plebeians from other cities, you can’t actually get excited about seeing a real, live celebrity. Instead, you casually drop their name in conversation in a total humblebrag move like you actually know them.
13. Scientology, but in a hushed voice.
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14. Toyota Priuses, whether they drive one or not.
Half the city drives one, and the other half still has a very strong opinion on them.
15. Organic food.
What, like you weren’t going to buy organic?
16. Their dogs.
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People in L.A. treat their dogs better than their friends, family, and even themselves.
17. Where they went to brunch this weekend.
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Because like, no one spends the entire weekend hiking, obvi.
18. Gossiping about mutual friends.
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SPILL THE TEA HONEY, SPILL THE TEA.
19. Whatever creative project they’re working on.
Literally 90% of people are “working” on a screenplay, novel, or maybe even some fingerpainting because this is the ~ city of dreams ~.
20. Going to Vegas.
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What happens in Vegas comes back to L.A.
21. What neighborhood they live in.
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It’s a badge of pride and *kind* of a big deal around here.
22. How far away the beach is.
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Like, 10 miles. But no one ever actually goes as much as they want because that involves fighting traffic.
Basically, you either talk about who is winning (looking at you, Clippers and Kings) OR you talk about how you don’t care about sports at all.
24. Where they are from originally.
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Because practically no one is ACTUALLY from L.A., finding a native of the city is pretty much like finding a unicorn.
Usually involves complaining about how far away they had to park OR bragging about how they snagged an amazing space.
26. Where they go grocery shopping.
Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, or GTFO.
27. And finally, how L.A. is WAY better than New York.
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WEST COAST BEST COAST.